You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
