Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
