but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
