just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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