I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
