One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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