last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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