I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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