You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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