Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
