eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
