you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
