I'm sorry my penis didn't work
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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