Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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