You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
