I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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