I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize