just tell him i said nine months
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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