wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we're chasing vodka with high fives
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
