i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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