Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize