Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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