I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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