i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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