walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
