It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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