woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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