Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
