Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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