come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
