Sry I called you an 8
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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