Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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