Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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