Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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