Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
In other news, I just burned my penis
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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