I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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