glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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