I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
