I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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