Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
