I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
