I want to make a zoo with you.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize