I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
