The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
