You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
