Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
