Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
