i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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