This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
