highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
