well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We need to get me chipped asap
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
