i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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