she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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