Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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