I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
