I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
