Kareoke will never be a sober sport
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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