So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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