well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
