Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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