wrigley field is MILF paradise
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
