we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
