I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
