No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
4 words: hood of his car
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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