So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
