I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
