I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
where does the pee come out of this thing
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
