Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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