Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
pop tarts are not kleenex
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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