And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
